I don't know if I can technically call myself a Chicagoan because I am a transplant, but for the sake of my blog title, that's what I am. Ok? :)
After an especially hellish Monday, I've decided to delight you with a break down of a few things I detest about living Chicago. (Hey, I can't be all sunshine and roses 100% of the time. ;) Muahaha!)
I mean, I've lived in Chicago for about 3 months, so I think I can speak with a bit of experience now.
Number 1 thing that SUCKS about living in Chicago? Grocery shopping. Not only is it insanely expensive, (oh, hello there you 9.5% sales tax aka the highest sales tax in the US!) but it is unnerving. There are suits in bluetooths bumping into you in every aisle. There are moms pushing strollers the size of Texas down the aisles. There are annoying preteens blocking your view of the ice cream selection. And do trust that they will absolutely not move to the other side of the aisle no matter how many times you politely say "excuse me for a moment please." Speaking of aisles, could they possibly get any smaller?! I think NOT.
What's that you say? You just need to run in for a gallon of milk and a loaf of bread? Muahahahaha, you silly, silly fool!! So do 9,466 of your neighbors! There's no such thing as a quick run to the store. Have fun waiting in line for around 20 minutes, because there are probably 2 checkout lanes open at Treasure Island, and maybe 4 at Hyde Park Produce.
Grocery shopping in Chicago blows, or at least grocery shopping in Hyde Park blows. Trust me on that, my friends.
Number 2. Driving. Oh sweet Lord in heaven, do I ever hate driving in Chicago. I avoid it at all costs. Just ask my husband. It fills me with dread. How can I even begin to explain the depths of my hatred for Chicago driving? For starters there are about 90 bajillion tourists in Chicago at any given time that have no effing clue where they're going. They're gawking at the tall buildings. They're switching lanes at the very last second. They're driving 20 miles per hour under the speed limit. Factor in my completely disastrous directional skills, extremely high traveling speeds, and ridiculously impatient Chicago natives...and you have one VERY unpleasant experience.
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaait a moment. I didn't even mention construction or traffic!
It. is. out. of. control. Seriously. If you have to drive more than a couple miles, make sure you allow yourself an extra 30-45 minutes or so just to sit in construction zones. Ewwwwwwww.
The 3rd thing that I hate about Chicago: Parking. I guess it goes along with number 2, driving. I drove around the other day for literally 40 minutes looking for a street spot. 40 freaking minutes. Then you have those assholes that have BMWs or Cadillacs that take up 3 spaces so their cars don't get scratched. And folks, if you can't find a street spot, prepare to PAY, and you're going to pay a lot. *sigh*
4th thing I hate about this city: Certain bicyclists. I get it that you're training for a triathlon. Or shit, maybe you're even training for the Tour de France, but guess what? When I am walking or cycling more slowly in the right lane, (just as I should be) you don't need to be a giant asshole and nearly run me over going about 90mph. And don't scream at me to get out of the way. Just go around me! Pretend like you're in a car and I am in the slow lane. You don't own the damn bike path, so quit acting like it.
Oh and P.S. Those spandex shorts you're wearing are sofahkingdisgusting.
I think I'll stop here for the evening. That's about enough bitching for one night.
I will say that in the near future I will have a list of things I love about Chicago, and surely that list will be much longer than this one. :)
I hope you all have a great week!
Sincerely,
Emme
After an especially hellish Monday, I've decided to delight you with a break down of a few things I detest about living Chicago. (Hey, I can't be all sunshine and roses 100% of the time. ;) Muahaha!)
I mean, I've lived in Chicago for about 3 months, so I think I can speak with a bit of experience now.
Number 1 thing that SUCKS about living in Chicago? Grocery shopping. Not only is it insanely expensive, (oh, hello there you 9.5% sales tax aka the highest sales tax in the US!) but it is unnerving. There are suits in bluetooths bumping into you in every aisle. There are moms pushing strollers the size of Texas down the aisles. There are annoying preteens blocking your view of the ice cream selection. And do trust that they will absolutely not move to the other side of the aisle no matter how many times you politely say "excuse me for a moment please." Speaking of aisles, could they possibly get any smaller?! I think NOT.
What's that you say? You just need to run in for a gallon of milk and a loaf of bread? Muahahahaha, you silly, silly fool!! So do 9,466 of your neighbors! There's no such thing as a quick run to the store. Have fun waiting in line for around 20 minutes, because there are probably 2 checkout lanes open at Treasure Island, and maybe 4 at Hyde Park Produce.
 |
| This is me when it is time to grocery shop. |
Grocery shopping in Chicago blows, or at least grocery shopping in Hyde Park blows. Trust me on that, my friends.
Number 2. Driving. Oh sweet Lord in heaven, do I ever hate driving in Chicago. I avoid it at all costs. Just ask my husband. It fills me with dread. How can I even begin to explain the depths of my hatred for Chicago driving? For starters there are about 90 bajillion tourists in Chicago at any given time that have no effing clue where they're going. They're gawking at the tall buildings. They're switching lanes at the very last second. They're driving 20 miles per hour under the speed limit. Factor in my completely disastrous directional skills, extremely high traveling speeds, and ridiculously impatient Chicago natives...and you have one VERY unpleasant experience.
 |
| Pretty sure this is sort of what I look like while driving in this town. |
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaait a moment. I didn't even mention construction or traffic!
It. is. out. of. control. Seriously. If you have to drive more than a couple miles, make sure you allow yourself an extra 30-45 minutes or so just to sit in construction zones. Ewwwwwwww.
The 3rd thing that I hate about Chicago: Parking. I guess it goes along with number 2, driving. I drove around the other day for literally 40 minutes looking for a street spot. 40 freaking minutes. Then you have those assholes that have BMWs or Cadillacs that take up 3 spaces so their cars don't get scratched. And folks, if you can't find a street spot, prepare to PAY, and you're going to pay a lot. *sigh*
4th thing I hate about this city: Certain bicyclists. I get it that you're training for a triathlon. Or shit, maybe you're even training for the Tour de France, but guess what? When I am walking or cycling more slowly in the right lane, (just as I should be) you don't need to be a giant asshole and nearly run me over going about 90mph. And don't scream at me to get out of the way. Just go around me! Pretend like you're in a car and I am in the slow lane. You don't own the damn bike path, so quit acting like it.
Oh and P.S. Those spandex shorts you're wearing are sofahkingdisgusting.
 |
| Ummmm......ew. |
I think I'll stop here for the evening. That's about enough bitching for one night.
I will say that in the near future I will have a list of things I love about Chicago, and surely that list will be much longer than this one. :)
I hope you all have a great week!
Sincerely,
Emme
Here, here! It CANT be all roses and sunshine all the time. I was giggling through your whole post. I, for one, have absolutely NO patience for any sort of traffic...so I don't think I could thrive there! Never thought about the THOUSANDS of other people running for bread and milk- good point!! :) Even here in PoDunk, doesn't seem like I can go to the grocery store getting "just the neccessities" and not spend 100$ these days; nutso! Love you, I'm going to call you sometime this week to catch up-- xoxo.
ReplyDeleteLuckily I do not hate taking public transit (unless I am physically not feeling well...then it sucks) so I am safe. I can just grab a bus or train most places! You reeeeeeeeeeally should try to get in here before September! We need to thrift shop and I want to take you to navy pier when it's less crowded! :) So glad we got to chat tonight. Miss you lots and love you! Have fun w/ mom and daddy this weekend.
ReplyDeleteThis is too funny!! Do the Tour de France people shout "LEFT, LEFT" like the people here? Hope we can get in soon to thrift store shop and get Nuggie some books from the book store!! Love u
ReplyDelete